WHEN THE HIRING MANAGER AT THE GYN CLINIC SLID THE PIECE OF PAPER IN FRONT OF ME suggesting what might be my starting salary, my eyes nearly fell out.

They’re going to pay me how much?

I had been a nursing student studying to get into Midwifery school, but when I started getting discouraging comments from faculty that achieving my goal would take way longer than I thought without the necessary experience, I panicked. The day I saw an ad for the position at the GYN clinic, I jumped at it. That’s what landed me in front of the hiring manager feeling my pulse surge at the thought of getting paid so much.

“That rate will be just fine,” I said trying not to sound overly excited.

“One last question,” she continued. “Are you OK with abortions?”

Not really, was the answer that came to mind. But truth was, I was smack dab in the middle of the most rebellious period of my life. I was doing many things I knew were wrong, and found myself pulling away from my Christian, pro-life parents. “I’m good with it,” I replied in a moment of screw-you-mom-and-dad. I was making a stand.

On the job, the management and staff treated me like I was a nurse, even without a degree, and I was thrilled. There was just one problem. Whenever I was asked to work the “dirty room” where the instruments were cleaned and the aborted fetuses were examined and packaged, it left me feeling rattled. Dealing with the women was work I could sink my teeth into, but handling the aborted fetuses took something from me. I kept waiting to get used to it. It never came.

One day, I heard we’d soon be able to offer RU46 and I was thrilled. Offering women a pill to facilitate an abortion at home would allow me a chance to silence that annoying rap on my conscience.

KNOCK.

KNOCK.

KNOCK.

When RU46 arrived, I began sending patients home with it and felt relieved to be out of the line of fire. I gave them instructions plus warnings of extreme pain and bleeding along with my number to call in case of an emergency—I wanted to be there for them, and was, even though their terrified screams and bitter crying ate away at me.

The years that I offered RU46 were piling up, which meant the number of abortions was too. When I stopped to tally the abortions that I was responsible for, the number was staggering. It was thousands upon thousands. I looked away, but knew I was going to have to deal with it one day.

One afternoon, after a misunderstanding at the office, I was fired. What would I do for a living now?

With bills piling up, I took a job at another women’s facility, which meant I was back in the abortion business. But this time there was a twist. I was pregnant. It wasn’t long before the way I felt about the baby inside of me simply didn’t agree with what I was doing. It was like my

body was rejecting my environment at the cellular level. There, right in the middle of a workday, I suddenly grabbed my belongings and walked out. I never went back. I had hit my breaking point. I had seen and done too much.

With my heart dragging I went to church to seek absolution; to rid myself of feeling like I was always outrunning a large wave of guilt. If I let it, it would take me down and drag me under, and I wasn’t sure I would ever get back.

I was glad to be at church even though carrying my terrible secret—one I was willing to die with—was harder than I imagined. It forced me away from groups and to seek healing on my own. And so I read my Bible but felt distant from it. I tried to sink the scriptures deep enough to let me out from under the guilt—but it wasn’t working. God, why can’t your words reach me?

One day, a lady from my church alerted me to a job at a pregnancy center. I jumped for joy. I had to get it. If I was able to bring babies into the world, it could reverse my former life. It was my only hope.

I was hired but as I walked in on the first day, landmines and triggers everywhere. If I had suffered with guilt before, it was nothing compared to being in a positive environment with a secret that I suspected would make each person there fall back in horror. The guilt fell on me like six feet of earth. I could barely move. Depression and PTSD followed.

Desperate, I reached out to God and pleaded him to touch me. Your forgiveness is for people like me, isn’t it, Lord? Why are you so silent?

My soul felt like it had the flu. I burned the midnight oil one night trying to locate somebody, anybody, who could offer me a word or deed that could save me. Suddenly, like a ray of hope from my screen, I saw these words: AND THEN THERE WERE NONE. I dialed the number. A loving voice on the other end greeted me as if expecting my call. “Why don’t you come to one of our healing retreats?” Abby offered.

“A healing retreat,” I said to myself as I let the words roll around my mind. They felt so good.

The retreat was beautiful, profound and lifechanging even as it brought up every difficult emotion buried deep inside. I smiled broadly and wept bitterly. But the best part was that I no longer had a secret. I was in the presence of women who had walked my road and knew every twist and turn of my journey. The lack of judgment was our sisterhood.

In their arms and loving expressions, healing began. It certainly wasn’t right away, nor was it after one retreat. It took several, and the journey was long. But the grace of God that I had been seeking, by the precious work of Jesus on the cross, came alive to me in the embraces of His people. I have not forgotten all that I did—I honestly don’t think I am supposed to. But something greater has happened. God has given purpose to my past that I now use in my new job: as a manager of an abortion pill reversal hotline.

When I thought God was silent and unforgiving, he was profoundly forgiving and directing me into his arms all along, offering me a brand new life. A brand new life. It’s true. It’s really true.

“Behold, I make all things new.” (Revelation 2:15)

Where Are They Now? Lisa Searle

Lisa exudes genuine kindness and possesses a peaceful spirit, intelligence, and a calming presence that many would find enviable. Her laugh is easy and her almost undetectable southern drawl is charming. In short, Lisa is the type of person that most of us aspire to be and spending time with her is delightful.

The inner peace and calmness have not always been the norm for Lisa. Although she was raised in a Christian, pro-life family, it was during a time of rebellion that Lisa accepted a job at an abortion clinic.

“I really wanted to be a midwife,” Lisa said. “I tried to get hired at a few different hospitals and had no luck. I saw an ad for a GYN clinic. At the interview, they told me that they did abortions there and asked me if that was okay. I knew that it was NOT okay, but at the time, I thought it would get me where I wanted to go, so I went for it.”

Lisa told her manager, as many workers do, that she would accept the job if she did not have to work in the “back.” The manager agreed, although this understanding did not last long.

“I knew I wanted to be a nurse, and at first it was extremely exciting and gratifying for me to work at the clinic. They treated me as if I were already a nurse and I loved working with the women,” Lisa said. It did not take long for the clinic manager to renege on their agreement and force her to work in the back.

“When I was asked to work in the “dirty room” as I called it, to clean the bloody instruments and assemble and package the fetuses, I felt sick,” she said. “I kept telling myself I would get used to it. The other workers seemed to. I never did.”

In 2000, the RU-486 abortion pill regimen was legalized, and the clinic started pushing chemical abortions. Lisa was asked to be in charge of dispensing RU-486 to patients.

“I was thrilled when I was asked to run the abortion pill program. I wanted out of the back so desperately,” she said. “The medication abortion just seemed so much easier. I dispensed the pills, and counseled women about what to expect with a chemical abortion.”

While the abortion pill did in fact seem “easier” at first, Lisa’s involvement in these abortions began to take a toll on her. While she did her due diligence to warn women about the severe pain and heavy bleeding that occurred as a result of a chemical abortion, she still received calls from agonized and terrified women. Their cries wore her down.

The truth became obvious to Lisa. While the abortion industry hailed RU-486 as the best thing since sliced bread and “safer than Tylenol,” Lisa was seeing the truth firsthand. What the women to whom Lisa dispensed the abortion pills experienced was certainly not the equivalent of a “heavy period with cramping.” Some of these women thought they were bleeding out. They cried out in agony. They thought they were going to die. They were utterly unprepared for the sheer volume of blood or the enormous and numerous clots they passed. Worst of all, these women were not prepared to witness a tiny, fully formed baby in their toilets when they were told that their pregnancies were simply a “clump of cells.”

After a misunderstanding at the office, Lisa was fired. She was hired at another abortion clinic, but this time, she was pregnant. The life growing inside her put her at odds with her environment and the clinic’s mission. Finally finding clarity and the bravery she needed, Lisa walked out of her job in the middle of the workday, never to return.

Lisa sought solace in the church and renewed her faith. The guilt was devastating, but she was determined to put her time at the clinic behind her. Lisa sought employment at a pregnancy care center and was hired as their nurse case manager.

“I did not tell the pregnancy center about my involvement in the abortion industry,” Lisa said. “I was far too ashamed. I enjoyed the work I did there, but I was struggling. The guilt was eating away at me. One day, I emailed Abby.”

Abby quickly responded and welcomed Lisa into the And Then There Were None tribe and invited her to attend a retreat.

“Shortly after I talked to Abby, I told my director about my past,” Lisa said. “She was honest and told me that if she had known, she would not have hired me, although she was so glad that she had. She told me that she had learned something about grace that day.”

Lisa’s contributions to the cause of life since exiting the clinic are astounding. She was the nurse manager at a pregnancy center for four years, has spoken on several panels with other former abortion clinic workers in her And Then There Were None tribe to answer questions about and speak candidly about working in an abortion clinic, and is slated to speak at the upcoming Prolife Women’s Conference. Lisa’s current role is perhaps the most amazing one yet. The same person who spent years facilitating a medication abortion program to assist women in ending the lives of their unborn babies now works full-time for Heartbeat International as an Abortion Pill Rescue Network Nurse. Lisa is part of a team of nurses who are on call to help women who feel regret after taking the abortion pill. They work quickly to assess the situation and connect them with a local practitioner who will provide her with Progesterone, the antidote for Mifepristone. With the help of nurses like Lisa, there is a 68% chance that a chemical abortion can be reversed, and the baby can be saved. Thousands of babies have been saved through the work of Lisa and others like her at the Abortion Pill Rescue Network.

“I used to help and encourage women to abort their babies with these pills,” Lisa said. “Now I can walk with them through the reversal process to save their babies. That is awesome. That shows you what God can do. He makes things right.”

Today Lisa lives in North Carolina with her husband and two sons aged 17 and 11. She is a busy mom with basketball and school. Her husband and sons are extremely proud and supportive of their mom and the work she does.

“My kids know my story,” she said. “I decided early on that I wanted them to grow up knowing instead of telling them at some magical age later. They are aware of abortion and what it is. They are very pro-life. When people ask them what their mom does, they say ‘she is a nurse and she saves babies,’” Lisa said.

Lisa often thinks about the workers who are still in the abortion industry.

“I think they don’t realize how conditioned they are,” she said. “I wish they could take a step back and see what is happening. If something inside of you is telling you to leave, do not go back and forth. There is an organization out there full of wonderful people who will help you. You will not be sorry you reached out to And Then There Were None, and you will be amazed where the Lord leads you.”